Never give up [1/2] [eng]

16. srpna 2017 v 17:43 | Carol |  Fanfics
Ahoj, po týdnu... Je to už týden? Už si ani nevpomínám, protože toho mám celkem dost na práci.. Nicméně, je tu další OneShot! Tentokrát v anličtině, takže asi jen pro ty, kteří umí anglicky. Jak ty ostatní se budu snažit tenhle přeložit, ale nevím kdy přesně.
Můj blog psaní kpop fan fikcí zavinilo spoustu věcí, ale nejvíc asi kontroverze ohledně kpopu. Zaposlední rok se toho hodně událo a mě naštvali hlavně korejští fanoušci a civilisté kvůli svým názorům. Pomalu se vzdaluju od kpopu, jako hardcore fanda. Teď už jsem spíš jen fanoušek čistě hudby a kdrama (nepočítám jídlo a kulturu). Prostě mám z toho dost.
To jenom na vysvětlenou, proč už nejsem tak aktivní. Doufám, že to někdo z vás pochopí.
Jinak si užijte čtení :) Druhá část bude hned :)
| OneShot | Anglické/English | Fanfics | Super Junior | Pairing: WonKyu x SiChul | By Carol |


It is a peaceful night. A beautiful night with moon and stars shining brightly for those, who are wandering through streets or Dreamlands in their bed. The city is calm, without any police sirens to be heard or any noise.
At this beautiful night, there is just one person, shifting on his bed and sweating, because of his dream…
"I wish we could be like this forever. Just you and me." A young boy smiles at him, hovering over him.
They are in the backfield, with a borrowed horse tied to a near tree, so it won't run away. The field is set with bright flowers. And those two are lying on a green fresh grass.
"We both wish for that, Kyu." The older man caresses the boy's cheek tenderly with all love he has for him. He can't even describe how much he loves him.
"Can the time stop for us, Won?" The brown-haired boy asks, lying down on top of Siwon, resting his head on the man's chest. The man just smiles at the boy's words, wrapping arms around his waist.
"I wish baby…"

It's a memory and Siwon is smiling, having a dream like this.
After a tiring day and sleepless nights, a good sleep is wanted. Every person feels like this, right? Well… As much as the man is smiling now, he hates dreams like this. Dreams with him. The boy, he loved so much. But the boy isn't there anymore. Kyuhyun isn't with him anymore. He disappeared. Forever. And he will never come back. Something, Siwon doesn't want to accept himself. That's why, he is always grateful for these dreams… Nightmares. He can see him again. At least once. That's all he wants.
They are going back to the farm, riding on the horse, with Kyuhyun sitting behind Siwon, practically back hugging him. The ride is rather calming and the atmosphere is amazing. This is their first peaceful day after three months.
"Siwon?" the boy suddenly calls out for his lover, looking at the trees, they passed. A river is near them and the view is just incredible.
"Hm?" the man hums, tilting his head a little, so he can see his boyfriend's beautiful face. This is something what he needed. A full free day, just with Kyuhyun. His job of the CEO is tiring as it is, and he can't dare to just disappear with all those scheduled meetings.
"When I graduate from my university, let's go for a trip!" Kyuhyun grins and looks at Siwon. This is something, he has always wanted to do, when he finds someone he loves.
"What trip?" the man raises his brow, surprised by the idea. It just came out of nowhere. It sure does sound interesting, however.
"I don't know…" the boy shrugs, pursing his lips, thinking, then smiles brightly. "All around the world!" he beams, throwing his hands into the air, only to quickly hold back on the man. He is just scared of horses and he can't understand, why did he agree on riding one!
Siwon gets startled, when Kyuhyun almost falls down, because he wasn't holding him, but sighs in relief, as soon as he feels the boy's arms around his waist again. He knows, how much his boyfriend hates riding horses, yet he resisted on riding one.
"Yeah, sure. Let's go all around the world, Kyu." The man rolls his eyes at the unrealistic idea. Of course, money isn't the issue. The thing is, there isn't time. How would he love to fulfill the boy's wish, but he can't. At least, not in the near future.
"Okay, okay. You pick the destination." The brown-haired pouts, sighing. His imagination was just broke into pieces, just like a glass, but that doesn't matter. He would go anywhere, if it meant, he can be with Siwon.
"Alright, I'll think of something." The man promises, smiling with his dimpled smile.

This promise, however, was never fulfilled. There wasn't a chance to do it, even though, everything was already prepared. Kyuhyun was being clever, when the promise was made, because from that time to his graduation, it were only three months.

They are at his apartment. Siwon wanted the day and night to be special, for both of them, so he even cooked, when they came back from the farm with Kyuhyun. And now, they are sitting at the table, their meal already finished. The light has been turned dim with candles on the table, to bright the atmosphere for both of them.. Now, they are both drinking red wine, the younger loves so much. Until he gets drunk of it, that's it.
"Thank you so much for today, Wonie." The boys smiles, glancing up from the glass, to the man. His fingers drawing patterns on the glass, still half filled. He drinks slowly today, not like always. He doesn't want to pass out anytime soon.
"You are welcome, baby." The man smiles widely, exploring the boy's features in the candle light. If someone told him to describe how Kyuhyun looks, he would describe him with every little detail. Those deep round eyes, that are so beautiful to look into. That sharp nose. Those plump juicy lips, that are irresistible to kiss. Even the mole under his left eye. Everything.
"I wish, days like this would be more often, so we wouldn't have to worry about school or work." Kyuhyun sighs, staring now at his glass with the red liquid. He has always regretted that, but both men have their own goals.
"Yeah, that would be great. I'm sorry for that." Siwon also sighs, feeling bad, licking his, now dry, lips. He knew, sooner or later, Kyuhyun would find that troublesome and he feared that.
"No." the boy shakes his head, looking up at the man with a small smile. "You shouldn't apologize. It's one of your charms. One of the charms, I fell for." His smiles gets bigger, reminding himself of the day they met at the university, when Siwon was chosen as a sponsor.
"You fell for me being a workaholic?" the man chuckles, not believing his ears. He would call that anything, but a charm? No way.
"Yeah!" Kyuhyun beams, nodding his head quickly. He loves Siwon for being himself and he fell for him, being himself. Not someone, who is two-faced. From the beginning up until now, he was always honest and mannered. Something, Kyuhyun was always grateful for.
"I love you, Kyuhyun."
"I love you too…"
They are sitting in a comfortable silence for a while. No words needed to be said. Everything was said already and they just want to enjoy each other's company.

No one knew, that night would be their last night together…
One month until graduation. Kyuhyun was nervous about everything and he was studying nonstop. Since that night, he was at Siwon's place, he has seen him only few times for couple of hours. All their communication was done through phone or skype.
Today, is one of those days, they are together for a couple of hours. Siwon is driving the boy to a library for some books, that he will need for studying.
"Are you sure, I shouldn't pick you up later?" Siwon asks for about tenth time through the ride. He just doesn't like the idea of Kyuhyun going home alone late at the night. There many possible things that can happen and many strange people!
"I'm sure, Siwon." Kyuhyun rolls his eyes, getting slightly annoyed by how persistent his boyfriend is. They aren't even married and he is acting like this! "I will be there until late and you need to work." He continues, trying to prove his point. Of course, he would have loved for Siwon to drive him home and spend the night with him again, because they weren't together for so long and he just craves for his touches and words.
"Alright, baby. I'm sorry." The man sighs, defeated. There just isn't anything to change the boy's mind now.
"Love you Siwon." Kyuhyun turns his head to look at the man, driving. 'He looks so handsome…' the boy thinks to himself, smiling softly.
Siwon glances to the boy, smiling and taking the boy's hand into his and bringing to his lips to kiss it.
"Love you too."

A usual ride just made in heaven for lovers? No. That ride was a life changing one. After that ride, nothing was the same and never will.
Siwon is kneeling on the road, a stain of blood dripping down his face, but he doesn't care. He is kneeling beside a body of the boy he loves so much. Streams of trees are falling down his cheeks, the fragile body in his arms. Police cars are everywhere and ambulance is on its way. Two cars crashed into each other and none of them can more used.
"Kyuhyun, don't leave me, please." Siwon keeps calling the boy in his arms. Kyuhyun has his eyes open, but slowly he is losing conscious. His eyes can't really concentrate on anything, and the face of the man he loves, is becoming very blurry. He is feeling weak and wants to sleep.
"Won, I feel so tired." The boy says weakly. His voice isn't stable and he is losing the strength, his eyes lids becoming heavy.
"No no no! You can't fall asleep, baby. Not now… Please, just wait a bit. The ambulance will be here soon." Siwon starts to panic, looking frantically around. 'Where the hell is the ambulance?!?!'
"I don't think I can last until then…" Kyuhyun whispers, coughing weakly and catching a shaky breath. He feels breathless. Even his chest feels heavy.
"Don't say something like that!" the man shakes his head, new streams of tears falling down his cheeks. Looking at his Kyuhyun like this is the most horrible thing, people can experience in their life. Where is his bubbly, grumpy boyfriend, who was always smiling when with him?
"Looks like our trip will have to be postponed…" the boy chuckles softly, reaching for the man's cheeks with his hand, to wipe those tears. But even this little action is the hardest for him.
"No! We will surely go there! I have already picked up the destination! Bali! We can go to Bali!" Siwon calls, smiling a little, catching the boy's hand in his and kissing the back of it. He has already planned the full trip. He has even booked the date for the biggest even on the island, so they can enjoy it together.
"That sounds nice…" Kyuhyun smiles a little, blinking very slowly.
"It will be Kyuhyun." Siwon promises, nodding his head.
"Siwon?" the boy calls out after a while of silence.
"Yeah?" Siwon clears his throat, his sight becoming blurry, because of tears.
"I love you… Don't think of me too much…" says Kyuhyun suddenly and closes his eyes, letting his hand fall down on the ground.
"What?! No!" Siwon shouts and shakes the boy a little, not want to believe that his lover just left him for good. "Kyuhyun? Kyuhyun!" he yells even louder when he gets no response from the boy. People are throwing him pity looks, but he ignores all that, he just cries rivers. "I love you too, baby… So much…" he whispers to the boy in his arms.

"Kyuhyun!" at this moment, Siwon wakes up yelling the name of his boyfriend. Long lost boyfriend. It's already five years, since Kyuhyun has died, but he still can't accept it. There is no way, he can ever forget him or not to think too much about him, like the boy requested. To Siwon, the boy meant anything. All his world. All his happiness. Living without him, his life has no point. Living is so hard without Kyuhyun.
Once again, tears are streaming down his cheeks at the memory of Kyuhyun. Siwon gets up of the bed and walks into the attached bathroom of his room. Looking into the mirror, he must chuckle at how he looks. He looks like a wreck. The man turns on the cold water and rubs his face with it few times, before drying it off.
Walking out of the bathroom, he notices it's only 4am on the watch on the nightstand. But for sure, he knows he won't be able to fall back asleep again. Thankfully, it's a Sunday, a full free day. Something that wasn't before but is now. If there was always a free Sunday, he would have spent more time with Kyuhyun. More time to do things he couldn't and now he even can't…
Wandering through his apartment, he looks at every corner. Everything is resembling Kyuhyun so much. There are memories of him in every part of his home. New fresh tears are threatening to fall down his cheeks. Siwon quickly blinks them away and walks to a cabinet, that holds all different kinds of alcohol. Grabbing a bottle of scotch, he sits into an armchair, opens the lid and drinks directly from the bottle. The warm stinging liquid, going down his throat, is the only thing that can make him feel better at times like this. He could be even described and pointed at as an alcoholic. Like a complete wreck.
Dark circles under his eyes, a bottle of scotch in his hand. That's how looks the famous Choi Siwon now. Before, a handsome and wanted man. Now, the coldest person there is. He didn't lose his job because of this, but his employees hate him. They feel pity for him, but his methods are heartless. Of course, it's hard to lose a person we love, but end up like this is only stupid…
It's getting harder and harder for him to live. The pain, he is experiencing, can't be described with words. He can't go on like this anymore. There is only one way to meet his Kyuhyun again and be happy. Only one way to possibly smile again.
Glancing towards the bottle of the alcohol, he puts it on a coffee table hurriedly. He stands up, running hands through his hair. That is the only way, right? Nothing is even stopping him. He knows, where he has to go.
Siwon returns to his bedroom, going to his wardrobe, and taking out some clothes of his. The ones, he has used before on that place, where he wants to go. Where he needs to go. He wants to end it somewhere, where are the best memories. Putting on the clothes, he quickly grabs his car keys. Hopefully, the police won't stop him. He didn't drink that much and if he keeps the proper speed, it's going to be alright. Before going out of the bedroom, he quickly go to the bathroom to grab a shaver and shoving it into his pants pocket.
Abandoning all his documents and his wallet in the apartment, Siwon runs down the stairs, not really caring, there is an elevator, which could take him down. He wants to feel the adrenalin. Right now, he wants to commit the most stupid thing, he has ever thought of. His own death…
The ride on the farm takes more than four hours, but it is a smooth drive. There are no police cars through the ways and the minimum of people on the road. Why the farm? On the farm, there are held the most precious memories of him and Kyuhyun. The day, they spent together and beautiful scenery there was. It's hard to forget something like that… At the memory, Siwon smiles sadly. It was supposed to be a happy memory. Why does he feel so broken, when thinking about this?

***

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