Never give up [2/2] [eng]

16. srpna 2017 v 17:46 | Carol |  Fanfics
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| OneShot | Anglické/English | Fanfics | Super Junior | Pairing: WonKyu x SiChul | By Carol |

At the farm:
Finally, Siwon arrived. This place hasn't changed at all. It's still the same, just like five years ago. He looks around and walks to the farm's office. He wants to borrow a horse to ride him to that place, like before. The same horse would be the best.
Opening the door of the office, the first thing, the man notices, is a board full of photos. There are visitors and the owners as well. One photo catches his attention, he walks closer to it. One tear rolls down his cheek. Reaching to the photo, he caresses the face of boy on it. The photo was them. Siwon, Kyuhyun and the horse, Hero. Siwon closes his eyes to stop his tears, biting on his lip.
"He has passed away five years ago." Suddenly someone says behind him. Siwon jerks a little and looks at that someone. There is a man standing in jeans and shirt. The man has almost feminine features.
"Excuse me?" Siwon voices out, clearing his throat, and quickly wiping the tear, that was on his cheek. This is the last thing, he needed… Someone witnessing him crying.
"The horse…" the mysterious man, motions with his head to the photo and walks a little closer to Siwon.
"O-oh…" the man nods his head, finally understanding. That's a huge coincidence… Now, he can't take the horse for the ride. He has to choose some other horse.
"Sometimes, I think it was his guardian." The mysterious man says, staring at the photo with a small smile.
"Whose?" Siwon is getting confused more and more. Who is even this person? Is it an employee here? He is very talkative for Siwon's liking.
"Kyuhyun's." the man simply says.
"How do you…?" Siwon's eyes goes wide with surprise. How does he know Kyuhyun? His Kyuhyun? What does this mean?
"Nice to meet you, Siwon-ssi. I have hoped to meet you under other circumstances…" the man sighs, chuckling awkwardly. He didn't want to do this. He has hoped not to do this. Every day, he was waiting for this to happen, but at the same time, he prayed for this day to never come. Sure, he has always wanted to meet Choi Siwon, but not like this. "My name is Kim Heechul and I am Kyuhyun's cousin." He introduces himself.
Another shock hits Siwon's body. 'K-Kyuhyun's cousin? This Kim Heechul?' He heard about the man before from Kyuhyun. Heechul was described as a completely crazy person with a pervert mind… At the same time, the boy said that his cousin is very similar to him in attitude. Like an another him. There is one thing, Siwon doesn't understand, however. How does Kim Heechul know him?
"C-cousin? B-but how?"
"Five years ago, I had some difficulties with myself. I didn't know what to do and Kyuhyun recommended me this place. He was so excited about it." Heechul chuckles and then smiles at the memory of a bouncy Kyuhyun. "It was a huge shock for me when he… Thinking, you might want to come here again, I started to work here." He turns to look at stunned Siwon. Not being sure, what is going on in the man's head, he just kept poker face.
"Why would you care?" Siwon scoffs, trying to get his composure. He wouldn't break down, just because he met someone who knew Kyuhyun.
"Because, I heard what Kyuhyun told me. After he told me that, I was thinking, he is completely insane for thinking that, but then the accident happened. Suddenly, I started to think of that as a possibility. Because I was a complete wreck because of that, so I just imagined what would you look like. And that's why I started to work here. Just like you, I saw this photo and the owner told me, the horse died the same day as the boy…" Heechul explains slowly, still staring at the man, trying to read him out. But he already knows, why Siwon is here. The way he looked said it all…
"What did he tell you?" Siwon urged the other man, taking a step closer to him. He needs to know, what Kyuhyun said. He is eager to know that.
"That you are just like a porcelain doll. You might look tough and strong, but if something huge happened, you wouldn't be able to get over it. Because you had a rough life. And now, here you are… And probably with the most selfish thing in your head. Have you thought about Kyuhyun though?" Heechul says, getting slowly angry with his words. Just what is this man thinking that he is doing?!
"What do you know about me? What do you think I will do?" Siwon clenches his jaw, crossing his arms on his chest. He hates people like this! Those who judge him, not knowing anything at all!
Seeing the man trying to look so almighty and like he has a bigger power, Heechul takes a step closer to the man, to look more intimidating himself.
"You tell me about it… What will you do?"
With these words, Siwon has lost. Licking his lips quickly nervously, he looks around the office, his eyes stopping on the photo of him and Kyuhyun. There is no point in lying… Finally, there is someone, who is willing to talk with him, so he might as well say the truth.
"I… I can't live without him." He says very slowly, finding Heechul's eyes again, first tear falling down his cheek.
"But he wouldn't want that." Heechul says, shaking his head. "Taking your own life is just the most selfish thing you can do. Not moving on is only hurting you and people around you. You, acting like this, won't get Kyuhyun back or anything."
"How can I live without him though? Every day is hard for me to survive. I have become an alcoholic. My life had been destroyed…" Siwon starts naming out, running hands through his hair, looking completely lost.
"And whose fault is that?" Heechul groans, rolling his eyes, pointing at Siwon with his finger and actually poking his chest a little. "Get a hold of yourself, Siwon-ssi and try to think a little about Kyuhyun! How would he feel if he saw you like this and heard you? Have you ever thought about him? How can you think like that?" Heechul throws his arms into the air. He understands it must be hard, but living like this is just so wrong. "This is not how you are supposed to live…"
That day, Siwon realized what he did and what he wanted to do, was selfish. He was so embarrassed of himself, seeking Kyuhyun's forgiveness that night. But for him, there were many more things he had to do. He never even thought about the boy's request to him. Nothing too much about him, doesn't mean to forget him. It simply meant, that Siwon just had to move on… Something, he was rejecting to do all five years. Finally, he said to himself, that Kyuhyun's death wasn't his fault. He remembered the roads that day were slippery because of ice. It was heavily snowing that day. Many people were injured and many passed away. Kyuhyun was one of them. His star and love…
Four years later:
He has forgot! He has forgot again about the meeting with Heechul. The man will kill him, once he arrive! But he can't help it… Since the morning, Siwon was running all over the company and from one meeting to another. It was just a busy day. Of all days, why did it have to be on this day? Today, he was supposed to enjoy, because it is a special day. A wedding anniversary. Yes, that's right. After that day at farm, Heechul helped Siwon a lot and then, without knowing, they fell for each other. They were dating for a year and half, before Siwon gathered the courage to propose. Many things have changed.
At work, people got to meet the old charming and mannered Choi Siwon again. He isn't cold to anyone anymore and is actually thinking about everyone's wellbeing. It's even a lot easier to be nice to everyone, than getting mad all the time. It's quite relaxing as well.
In his personal life, it got more than better, since he got even married. He is happier now and finally able to breath freely. This was something he needed all those five years. He needed to relax a bit and live through the moment. Looking back at past always brought his depression, but now, he can even smile. Sincerely smile. Thanks to Heechul, he can sincerely laugh as well. But now, he is really scared of his life because of the said man.
Driving through the busy streets of Seoul, Siwon thinks a little. Looking up at the sky, he smiles a little. Starting to think:
"Hi Kyu, are you watching me? How are you doing up there? Do you miss us as much as we miss you? We miss you so much.
You must have thought, I was an asshole, right? I couldn't understand your simple words and nearly destroyed my life. I was being stupid enough, to even think about dying myself and coming to you. I wonder, what would happen if I really did that… I was selfish, not thinking about all those people who are leaning on me. I have so many people, for who I mean a lot, even though I am just their boss. If I have died back then, what would happen to all those people, Kyu?
That's why, I want to thank you. Even without you knowing, you have send me him. Heechul. Did you know that? Were you expecting this to happen, when you were leaving? I believe you did. You wouldn't have told those things to Heechul, otherwise.
I'm sorry, Kyu. I couldn't keep my promises. I couldn't take you for our trip. If I had known this, I would have taken you on the trip all around the world… I have told you, you are the only love of my life and I would never love anyone else. Yet, I have fell in love with Heechul. But you aren't angry, right? It was you, who send me Heechul, after all. Without him, I wouldn't be here anymore. Maybe… Just maybe, I would have been with you. But most likely, they would send me to hell for my thoughts and actions. Someone like me wouldn't be able to set a foot into a heaven paradise.
Now, I don't regret it. Thanks to you, I realized many things.
But don't worry, I will always love you. You are my the one and only true first love.
Thank you, Kyu, for making me realize all this.
I will never forget you.
Sending this as a message to Kyuhyun, who is surely watching him from the heaven, sitting on a cute, fluffy cloud. Maybe looking even more like an angel now. That's how Siwon is imagining the boy…
Chuckling to himself, Siwon unlocks the door of his and Heechul's apartment. He was completely imagining the angel Kyuhyun, being all pouty and grumpy in the heaven, trying to look like a boss. Just how he remembers him.
"Yah! Choi Siwon!" only this brought him back to the reality. Siwon closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, before facing his husband.

"Chullie, my love, how are you?"

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